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Law school personal statements - sharing work experience
Law School Admissions Diversity Statements
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Law School Personal Statement - Show, Don't Tell Example
| Last time, I showed you how to use the “show, don’t tell” writing style in your law school personal statement. Now, we’re going to find out how I helped one student master the technique in her law school personal statement for Georgetown Law.
The student, Jessica, knew she wanted to write about her heritage. She chose to showcase her visits to Korea as a way to describe how important family and culture are to her.
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| But instead of telling us about it, I helped her write in a way that shows us. Let’s find out how.
Jessica's opening sentence is:
“On a sweltering summer day in July, I stood before my great-grandparents, unsure of how they would receive me.”
Now, you might think she’s meeting her great-grandparents for the first time, but there’s more to the story. Let’s keep going.
“My hair spilled out of a blue bandana and sweat trickled down my cheeks. I wore a tattered, oversized t-shirt and cotton shorts, but I did not come empty-handed.”
I picked out some of the details Jessica uses and highlighted them in bold. These are examples of her showing us her experience.
Sweat trickling down her cheek shows just how hot the day really is. And, the fact that she’s wearing tattered clothing might suggest she’s there to do work.
She continues:
“I held in one hand a bucket of soap water and a bundle of rags in the other. I proceeded to balance myself on the slab of marble. I dipped my rag in the bucket, rubbed it over the smooth surface, and watched the black grime disappear. Letter by letter, something familiar emerged from under the grime: my surname. The dirt on the rag made me smile and I felt my great-grandparents smiling too. I knew that although they were long dead, they were pleased as they watched me, a gangly, twelve-year old, clean their marble tomb in their native village in Korea.”
The section in bold above further illustrates Jessica's ability to show instead of tell. She doesn’t simply tell you that she cleans the graves of her ancestors. Instead, she makes us feel like we’re there with her as she works.
In fact, Jessica's work ethic – and determination – is the very heart of her essay.
She goes on to describe how she visits Korea each year and has promised to continue the family tradition of planting trees there. Towards the end of her essay, she writes:
“The thread of my bloodline has carried this tradition to me and has taught me the virtue of perseverance.”
Thus, the details Jessica chose to include in her opening fit perfectly. They support the overall message of her essay while also creating an image for the reader.
You can do the same thing in your law school personal statement – and I’d be glad to help.
Of course, getting started is the toughest part. If you find yourself getting stuck, here’s an article where I share some of my best advice for beginning your law school personal statement.
Or, if you want to go over some ideas with me, just reach out. I look forward to hearing about your unique story!
Until next time,
Steve
P.S. Have you noticed that many students choose to write about their heritage/culture in their law school personal statements? That’s because it’s a great topic to write about. In my next article, I’ll show you why.
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Law school personal statement: “Show, Don’t Tell”
| You’ve probably heard the “show, don’t tell” rule a million times already. Over the past few weeks, I’ve shared some examples of how students use the “show, don’t tell” technique, but this time, we’re going to delve deeper and find out exactly what it means. But before we go further, let’s take a step back for a moment. |
| You may be wondering, “I wrote dozens of papers in college. Why haven’t I always been instructed to use this writing technique?”
In reality, “show, don’t tell” is a creative writing technique. So, unless you’ve taken creative writing classes, you may not have had much practice (or any at all) with this writing style.
Remember, your law school personal statement should include creative writing techniques. You may remember from one of my past articles that the law school personal statement isn’t entirely persuasive, nor is it exclusively like a memoir.
It’s something completely different, which is why your approach must be so precisely different, too.
So, how do you master “show, don’t tell” if you haven’t used it in your previous essays? Let’s find out.
Recall an important memory that had an impact on you.
Let’s say it’s your first trip to see a Broadway show.
You could mention what the show was, that you enjoyed it, and explain that it made an impact on your life.
But it’s much more enticing if you make the reader feel like they were there with you.
How can you do that? Let’s look at a sample scenario, below:
As the lights went down and the first note bellowed from the actor on stage below, the whole theater fell silent. It was that same opening song I’d heard dozens of times from the movie, but this time, it was different. The music was so powerful that I could feel it in my chest. I wasn’t just watching a story unfold, I was experiencing it. Actors soared across the stage on stilts, moving with grace despite their intricate, vibrant costumes. I didn’t want to blink, for fear of missing a single moment. It was then that I realized: I want to pursue a career in the arts.
Did you feel as if you were there in the audience beside me? Did you notice that I was showing you what my experience was like? Contrast that with what it might look like if I just told you about it:
The first play I ever saw was The Lion King. I had seen the movie before, but the play was much different. I enjoyed it so much that it made me think of pursuing a career in the arts.
Which one would you prefer to read?
Now that you have an example of what “show, don’t tell” looks like, let me share a few tips for mastering it in your writing:
• Be specific, but not boring.
If I wrote about every detail of the day – including what I wore, the names of every person I went with, etc., you’d lose interest. Instead, I chose to highlight the details that made the most impact. The details you include should support your main point. In the sample blurb, the main point was that theater was so fascinating, it made me think of pursuing a career in the arts. All of the details the – the music, the actors’ costumes – support the fascination I felt on that day.
• …But don’t overthink it.
If you feel like you’re including too much detail during your first draft, don’t worry. You’re better off using too much detail while you’re on a roll than not including enough. You can always go back and take out less-important details when you edit.
• Practice, practice, practice.
You might find it helpful to try a few rounds of the “show, don’t tell” approach before actually using it to write your law school personal statement. You can use memories other than the one you plan to include in your essay to get comfortable with the technique.
• Learn from example.
A piece of advice I discovered years ago is “to be a better writer, read more.” You certainly don’t have to go pick up dozens of novels if reading isn’t your favorite hobby, but you might find it helpful to study some examples of great storytelling writing by authors who have mastered the technique.
Speaking of examples, my next article will feature a student who aced the “show, don’t tell approach” in her law school personal statement. Keep an eye out for it!
Until next time,
Steve
P.S. If you want to get a head start on trying your hand at “show, don’t tell,” you can read even more about it in my law school admissions articles.
P.P.S. If you’re worried that your law school personal statement isn’t personal enough (or maybe too personal). Feel free to reach out – just reach out. No matter what point you’re at with your law school application essays, I can help.
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Law School Personal Statement - Getting Personal (without going too far)
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